Return

I've missed updates. I already feel horrible about it, and had to drag myself back to the computer to update this entry. I know that's how it starts, you miss one, you miss another. Soon you start telling yourself it's not a big deal, you don't miss it, it wasn't important anyway... then you're done, finished. Nothing short of an act of your psyche's congress can get you on task once more.

So you might expect I have a good reason, I got hit by a car, I got shot, my grandmother died, that I missed these updates. The truth of the matter is that I don't have anything like that at all.

But then you must have been busy, right?

Swing and a miss, strike two. I've actually gotten very little accomplished lately. I've been running around in a zombie like state, not really alive and aware of what I was doing, much less caring about it. I know I got some work done because I got some extra cash. I know I ate. I know I started to prep my home for the new furniture I might be getting this weekend. You know, cleaning up, clearing out the traffic lanes and rearranging everything so it'll be easy to lug it all away and its replacements back in.

But it really wasn't that much of an accomplishment.

I still don't have my communications finished for my friend's Star Fleet Battles (http://www.starfleetgames.com) Campaign. I haven't done any work on my own little mini-campaign I've been cooking up, which is almost worse for me, since that's usually one of my fun stress releases.

I'm not sure what though has put me in this funk. I'm sleeping a lot more than usual. Usually I only get about 4 hours of sleep, give or take an hour. Plenty for me, really it is. And I've lost that drive to go out and take the extra steps lately. I'm lacking ambition... something that isn't entirely new for me, but usually I'm enough of a dreamer that even if I don't follow through, I'm at least starting something new.

I've given up on the Free Lance writing. The money is horrible. The only job I got ended up taking a full week for 10 dollars. Hardly my idea of a rewarding career, but then again I thought that'd be the case. Unfortunately I don't have anything to really fill the void. Irritating as I'm usually quite full of hair brained schemes.

I just can't get excited anymore. Even things I used to love, things I spent hours working on without even a single outside distraction, just aren't doing it for me lately. About the only time I'm not in a funk right now is when I'm watching my cats and their eternal war over the only good box.

Three cats. Three boxes that are all exactly the same. However, they always fight over the same one, no matter where it is. I don't know what's special about that one box, but gods its cute to watch them battle over who gets into it first and the valiant defense of Fort Cardboard.

I think maybe now its just that I miss my friends. This time of year isn't all that great for me normally, but I haven't got to really talk to any of them for nearly a month now. I'm sure they're glad to have that extended break from me, but maybe its what's driving me a little batty. Just a lack of friendly communication.

Or maybe it's just not having gotten to play my usual games against them. No Magic (http://www.magicthegathering.com), no Star Fleet Battles (http://www.starfleetgames.com), no D&D (www.wizards.com/dnd), hell, not even a round of Super Smash Brothers.

I think I need something like that to break up the dull grey grind of reality. Felicia always used to say I dreamed too much, I needed a bit more reality in my life. But I'm starting to think I can't cope with the real world, all the time. I think I need my dreams and other breaks from reality.

I don't want to lose my soul after all.



Til next time,

Grind Away