This week has been interesting, even as much as its been tough. I'm getting used to going back to school all over again. It's a strange experience. After so many years of being out in The Real World to be back in a classroom, talking formulae and factoids, theories and tests. Getting back into the swing of reading textbooks not because I choose to but because I have to, pushing myself to study things that I am not really interested in and putting it into practice. Last time it was the busywork that killed me off. Endless repetition and pointless tasks for the purpose of keeping us in practice. This time I am not letting my frustrations at the pointless tasks keeping me from succeeding. I have one shot at it, and I'm going to take it.
On top of that, I still have my full work schedule. Six days a week to fill out my hours, working full shifts. It's not exactly intellectual work, but it is physically exhausting. It wears you down right to the bones, and at the end of the day it's usually all I want to do to sit back, play a game for a bit, watch the news, and have my dinner.
This gets compounded by the bad days at work. This last two weeks have all been Terror weeks. We've been working on roofing, top plates, sheeting, and the ilk. I have a fairly bad case of acrophobia. Each day I come home, my hands shake so badly I can barely type, much less hold a pen when it gets really bad. Each successive day just makes my nerves worse. I think it's over this week. I hope its over this coming week. With only one day off I don't know if I can keep it up. I just don't recover from it overnight. It gets worse almost every day. I'm starting to notice a mental deterioration as well.
But it's not all bad. I'm catching up on my hours. I"m getting stuff done for my CSP. And The Great Artist is pushing me to cross off another one of my little fantasies. I don't know how it'll end up. I'm imagining the first one is going to be pretty horrible. But at least I'll be able to say I tried.
March 14, 2010
March 11, 2010
CRACK THE WHIP!
I haven't posted in here for a long, long time. It's just sitting here, doing nothing.
Recently I've come in contact with a great man, nice guy, and he's pushing me to do something I"ve been dreaming about for years, game design. He's giving me the push to make me start thinking about it. I have a goal now.
Design a game, a short one, in one week. Mostly Visual Novel style.
Must have multiple conversation choices which branch to different results, which merge back towards the main point. There must be three endings.
Breaking down the time as per his instructions. 1 to 2 days to come up with the story synopsis, 1 to 2 days to come up with the dialogue, and the rest to bring it into code.
I'm going to throw in the following as well. 1 day for Character Art, and 1 day for Background Art.
So we're looking at:
Day One: Storyboarding.
Day Two: Dialogue
Day Three: Dialogue
Day Four: Character Art
Day Five: Background Art
Day Six: Code
Day Seven: Code and polish
It's 6 PM, I got my dinner and nothing to do. Giddyup.
Recently I've come in contact with a great man, nice guy, and he's pushing me to do something I"ve been dreaming about for years, game design. He's giving me the push to make me start thinking about it. I have a goal now.
Design a game, a short one, in one week. Mostly Visual Novel style.
Must have multiple conversation choices which branch to different results, which merge back towards the main point. There must be three endings.
Breaking down the time as per his instructions. 1 to 2 days to come up with the story synopsis, 1 to 2 days to come up with the dialogue, and the rest to bring it into code.
I'm going to throw in the following as well. 1 day for Character Art, and 1 day for Background Art.
So we're looking at:
Day One: Storyboarding.
Day Two: Dialogue
Day Three: Dialogue
Day Four: Character Art
Day Five: Background Art
Day Six: Code
Day Seven: Code and polish
It's 6 PM, I got my dinner and nothing to do. Giddyup.
January 9, 2009
Simplicity
They say the best things in life are free, but that never held any sway for me. But I do believe the best things in life are simple. Take today for example, what was the great thing that happened today?
I got a haircut.
Yup, real simple, wasn't free, set me back 12 bucks and a 2 dollar tip, but it really did put a spring in my step. I had about 7 lbs of hair buzzed off my head. My hair grows real thick and heavy, for months and months I haven't had the cash to get it done, so I had these monster long 9 inch length strands of hair. It was covering up my eyes, starting to crawl down my back, blocking my ears. I go in today and just say "Chop it off", asking for an old fashioned flattop high and tight. Barber couldn't believe it. Kept asking over and over if I was sure, and seemed flabberghasted that anyone would actually WANT a cut like that.
I came out of that barber shop feelin' like a new man. It really wasn't much, a couple pounds of hair. Cost me 14 dollars, and thus the reason it didn't get done for so long. Roommate was finally fed up with my hair and tossed ten bucks at me to get it done.
But I actually had a skip to my stride as I walked back home, and a smile on my face. Despite all the crap going on, I was happy for a moment.
Oh, and I didn't get my furniture today. My friend never showed up, and I've been unable to contact him. I was reading about the mud slides and flooding in his area, and I'm starting to get a little worried. I know he didn't come because all the passes over the mountains were closed... but I wonder if he's in good health and safe right now. I hear some towns over there have had to be evacuated, while Renton hasn't been mentioned by name yet, I still do worry.
I hope he's fine.
Til next time,
Grind Away
I got a haircut.
Yup, real simple, wasn't free, set me back 12 bucks and a 2 dollar tip, but it really did put a spring in my step. I had about 7 lbs of hair buzzed off my head. My hair grows real thick and heavy, for months and months I haven't had the cash to get it done, so I had these monster long 9 inch length strands of hair. It was covering up my eyes, starting to crawl down my back, blocking my ears. I go in today and just say "Chop it off", asking for an old fashioned flattop high and tight. Barber couldn't believe it. Kept asking over and over if I was sure, and seemed flabberghasted that anyone would actually WANT a cut like that.
I came out of that barber shop feelin' like a new man. It really wasn't much, a couple pounds of hair. Cost me 14 dollars, and thus the reason it didn't get done for so long. Roommate was finally fed up with my hair and tossed ten bucks at me to get it done.
But I actually had a skip to my stride as I walked back home, and a smile on my face. Despite all the crap going on, I was happy for a moment.
Oh, and I didn't get my furniture today. My friend never showed up, and I've been unable to contact him. I was reading about the mud slides and flooding in his area, and I'm starting to get a little worried. I know he didn't come because all the passes over the mountains were closed... but I wonder if he's in good health and safe right now. I hear some towns over there have had to be evacuated, while Renton hasn't been mentioned by name yet, I still do worry.
I hope he's fine.
Til next time,
Grind Away
January 8, 2009
Red Tape
My battles with the vile DSHS continues. Today was part two of a massive operation to get in to see the wizard. Yesterday I had no luck at all, a lot of waiting, a lot of busy phones, a lot of long, DMV style lines, for no reward. Today, finally, a breakthrough at 3 PM. I finally managed to make it through automated machines and lines to talk to a real person.
And once more, I find the system to be flawed and annoying. The message I got was about a form that wasn't correct. What was that form? A statement from my roommate about my food situation, how often I procure my stores, and that they are in fact mine and mine alone. A simple little statement, signed and dated.
Though now I am informed my roommate cannot sign such a statement because of "Fraud". The idea is almost laughable. If I was going to commit fraud, I would have just found some random drug addict willing to lie for a couple bucks off the street. Who would knwo better about hte truth, and be more compelled to tell the truth, than someone who actually lives here, and knows my habits and situations, AND can be tracked down because you know where he lives?
So instead I gotta wait for my friend to come back over the pass and into town to sign a paper. He's scheduled to do so today, but with winter weather and his own relatively poor health, I don't know if he's actually going to make it.
And until he does? No more food for me. I got a couple little bags of ramen and half a loaf of sourdough bread to sustain me.
Yay breaucracy!
Seriously, I've talked about some of the stupid things they do, who the hell comes up with this stuff?
I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. Furniture moving and working at the food bank, depending on if he shows up. If not, I go to joust with the DSHS again. Either way, I'm sure I'll be tired, sour, and probably a little grumpy when everything finally ends.
Till next time,
Grind Away
And once more, I find the system to be flawed and annoying. The message I got was about a form that wasn't correct. What was that form? A statement from my roommate about my food situation, how often I procure my stores, and that they are in fact mine and mine alone. A simple little statement, signed and dated.
Though now I am informed my roommate cannot sign such a statement because of "Fraud". The idea is almost laughable. If I was going to commit fraud, I would have just found some random drug addict willing to lie for a couple bucks off the street. Who would knwo better about hte truth, and be more compelled to tell the truth, than someone who actually lives here, and knows my habits and situations, AND can be tracked down because you know where he lives?
So instead I gotta wait for my friend to come back over the pass and into town to sign a paper. He's scheduled to do so today, but with winter weather and his own relatively poor health, I don't know if he's actually going to make it.
And until he does? No more food for me. I got a couple little bags of ramen and half a loaf of sourdough bread to sustain me.
Yay breaucracy!
Seriously, I've talked about some of the stupid things they do, who the hell comes up with this stuff?
I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. Furniture moving and working at the food bank, depending on if he shows up. If not, I go to joust with the DSHS again. Either way, I'm sure I'll be tired, sour, and probably a little grumpy when everything finally ends.
Till next time,
Grind Away
January 7, 2009
Fire
I am a man of comfort. I rather be safe, comfortable, and in a routine than be doing something 'exciting', at least generally speaking. I don't like clubs, or bars. I don't care for fairs and carnivals. Most nights I rather stay home, cook something good, and curl up with a good book rather than go out and hit the scene.
This isn't to say I can't be social. I just don't much care to. at the very least I like to make sure I have my own private time, a nice, quiet chunk of the day to wind down, reflect, and relax.
So of course, with the way life goes, it tries to light a fire under me.
Got a call from DSHS last night that apparently one of the forms I filed had an unspecified requirement, which means that I'm past my deadline because no one told me this until the end of the business day on the fifth. It also means that my desperate attempts to call them and work it out failed, because all day today their phone service failed me due to "heavy traffic", giving me the "try again later" all day from 9 AM (When they open) to 5 PM (when they close).
Whoopie.
Well, that's just one more thing to light a fire under me, starvation. Maybe it'll work. Maybe somehow being malnourished will show me some inspiration that I haven't had before. Maybe.
Did I just see a pig buzz past me?
Many people that know me presume that I don't do jack but sleep, eat, and spend all day "Playing on the computer". This is so far from the truth that I usually can't help but laugh. I spend more hours a day looking for work than my roommate spends at work. I cover more miles of pavement on my shoeleather than he does in his car everyday. And he thinks I'm just a sloth when, after walking the gods know how many miles a day (At least 18, probably closer to 24), having tried just about every place I can, and not finding anything, that I rather just go and read for a bit and then sleep.
They believe I just never try, that's why I'm not gainfully employed. I never bother to really tell them my efforts. Mostly because my roommate, as much as he pushes me to get a job, he also torpedos my attempts to get a job, giving me bad references whenever he answers the phone (Usually the case because I'm dead tired and dead asleep).
Well, life lit the fire under me to get me going. Might as well turn into the slide and see where it takes me.
Til next time,
Grind Away
This isn't to say I can't be social. I just don't much care to. at the very least I like to make sure I have my own private time, a nice, quiet chunk of the day to wind down, reflect, and relax.
So of course, with the way life goes, it tries to light a fire under me.
Got a call from DSHS last night that apparently one of the forms I filed had an unspecified requirement, which means that I'm past my deadline because no one told me this until the end of the business day on the fifth. It also means that my desperate attempts to call them and work it out failed, because all day today their phone service failed me due to "heavy traffic", giving me the "try again later" all day from 9 AM (When they open) to 5 PM (when they close).
Whoopie.
Well, that's just one more thing to light a fire under me, starvation. Maybe it'll work. Maybe somehow being malnourished will show me some inspiration that I haven't had before. Maybe.
Did I just see a pig buzz past me?
Many people that know me presume that I don't do jack but sleep, eat, and spend all day "Playing on the computer". This is so far from the truth that I usually can't help but laugh. I spend more hours a day looking for work than my roommate spends at work. I cover more miles of pavement on my shoeleather than he does in his car everyday. And he thinks I'm just a sloth when, after walking the gods know how many miles a day (At least 18, probably closer to 24), having tried just about every place I can, and not finding anything, that I rather just go and read for a bit and then sleep.
They believe I just never try, that's why I'm not gainfully employed. I never bother to really tell them my efforts. Mostly because my roommate, as much as he pushes me to get a job, he also torpedos my attempts to get a job, giving me bad references whenever he answers the phone (Usually the case because I'm dead tired and dead asleep).
Well, life lit the fire under me to get me going. Might as well turn into the slide and see where it takes me.
Til next time,
Grind Away
January 6, 2009
Between
A lot of things in my life are currently between things. My home is between set ups, with new furniture being moved in, and old things moving out. I'm between full time, well paying jobs. I'm beween relationships. I'm between Game consoles (PS2 died, saving up for a NDS or PS3). I'm even between hair brained, get rich quick schemes of my roommates. And the world outside is stuck between Winter and Spring, neither of them quite fully taking hold yet.
This has left me in something of a lurch. I feel constantly like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff, with no safety railing between me and the drop. No regular schedule, no expected tasks to be accomplished each day. Oh, and I have vertigo of course, so the idea of standing next to a cliff leaves me in constant fear.
That's it. I feel afraid all the time. I don't have some rock or railing I can cling onto and get some stability from. There isn't aht feeling of something old, familiar, and safe anywhere near me.
And I am a creature of habit.
It reminds me of Garret, P.I. Weird little Fantasy Detective hardback I picked up some time ago with three stories by Glen Cook about the titluar character. Garret really speaks to me. All those little mannerisms he has seem so much like my own. From his hatred of Mornings (No sane man should be up with the sun), his choice in women, his desire to only really get to work when he's starving. Even Dean reminds me a lot of one of my friends in a lot of ways. Well, other than trying to get me married off to some niece.
Ah, it's my American Dream. I would rather live like that, be able to set my own hours, working only when I want or really need to. But then again, who wouldn't? I don't exactly have any skill sets that would let me have a life that cushy, so back to the salt mines with me.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring a bit more grounding to my life.
Til next time,
Grind Away
This has left me in something of a lurch. I feel constantly like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff, with no safety railing between me and the drop. No regular schedule, no expected tasks to be accomplished each day. Oh, and I have vertigo of course, so the idea of standing next to a cliff leaves me in constant fear.
That's it. I feel afraid all the time. I don't have some rock or railing I can cling onto and get some stability from. There isn't aht feeling of something old, familiar, and safe anywhere near me.
And I am a creature of habit.
It reminds me of Garret, P.I. Weird little Fantasy Detective hardback I picked up some time ago with three stories by Glen Cook about the titluar character. Garret really speaks to me. All those little mannerisms he has seem so much like my own. From his hatred of Mornings (No sane man should be up with the sun), his choice in women, his desire to only really get to work when he's starving. Even Dean reminds me a lot of one of my friends in a lot of ways. Well, other than trying to get me married off to some niece.
Ah, it's my American Dream. I would rather live like that, be able to set my own hours, working only when I want or really need to. But then again, who wouldn't? I don't exactly have any skill sets that would let me have a life that cushy, so back to the salt mines with me.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring a bit more grounding to my life.
Til next time,
Grind Away
January 5, 2009
Coldsnap
Praise Santa, or someone, it's snowing again! A good four inches today, and it shows no sign of stopping anytime soon. Though my roommate, ever the bummer, had to inform me the National Weather Service is predicting hot tempuratures tomorrow that will turn my winter wonderland into a slushy disappointment.
I pray he's wrong.
It's funny though how little things like the weather can effect your state of mind. Snow, ice, cold chills and northern winds bring new life and vigor into me. While everyone else is curling up, hiding by a fire and complaining about the "foul weather" and generally in a darker mood, I'm out dancing a jig, rolling around in the frozen goodness, building myself a little snow fort. I guess I never grew out of being a kid. Kids love the winter, adults don't. Makes you wonder what's wrong with Adults. Oh, they say it's just, "They like it because they'll have school off," but they like snow even when they're already on Winter Break. So take that nay sayers.
Adults just don't like to admit they forgot to have the simple joys and wonderments that kids are masters of.
But alas, when I was a child I thought childish things. And now I am a man and I am constantly pestered about it being time to put up childish things, as hard as I find that to do. Part of me still loves watching cartoons, playing in snow, the frank, open honesty you see in kids.
But as an Adult, I realize I need to work, both for money and on myself at a personal level. And this is the time toyear to think about it.
New Year's Resolutions.
I never put much stock in them myself over the years. I see someone make such a declaration, something like "I'm going to exercise and run around the block every morning", for example, only to see it put aside and forgotten a mere week, if that long, into the year.
Not even 2% through the year, and they throw in the towel. Oh yeah, New Year's Resolutions really work wonders, don't they?
But, it's the spirit, and I like to think I have more willpower than most people I know. So here it is, my list of Resolutions.
1) To be more proactive in my love life. Specifically, I would actually like to find a woman who will love me. I've had plenty of situations where I loved a woman who only had a passing interest in me. It doesn't work. I could care less what she looks like, who she is, long as I get that connection. Oh, I have my preferences, who doesn't? But it's not what's really important to me. This year I want to go out more, really look for that person. I haven't much tried it, not since Felicia, always shoving romantic relationships back in my mind. But I think the time is right in my life to start the search anew.
2) Transitioning from Just Surviving to Thriving. Right now my state of being, financially at least, is more about just making ends meet. I seldom have more than 5 bucks at the end of a month, and my current work isn't really rife for promotion and raises either. This situation leads to me being stuck where I am, I can't save up enough to actually gain any sort of venture capital for anything. I can't start my own business, which I've always dreamed of, I can't even move out of where I am. This is going to take a lot of hard work, and I'm not really sure where to start, unlike in number one above. My roommate's get rich quick schemes never really pan out, so that's not an option. The economy is lean here, and people just are not hiring. But with vilgilance hopefully something will show up.
3) Pay down my debts. Those I owe, say I owe them nothing. Friends who helped me out over lean months. A woman who runs a local charity that bought me some clothes, a man who I owe just about everything I have to, another who cuts me a deal on certain goods. I actually keep a total of the dollar figures, best as I can figure it out. Paying down my debts will cost me a total of 48,000 US dollars. They say I don't have to pay them. But when you really count it up, and see a total like that, I just can't help but feel that the debt is too large to simply ignore.
There it is, three resolutions. And ones quite a bit harder, at least to me, than "Give up smoking" or "exercise every day". But if I can keep up, if I can make some progress, it'll have much more drastic effects for me than the simple little, quickly forgotten pledges I hear made every year.
Hard work, discipline, vigilance. Those are my watchwords for the year.
And for you others who might read this, remember, America really is a land of opportunity. In 2003 I was homeless and hopeless. In 2009 I have a home, a job, a life, and I do actually believe it possible to turn this into a success. It'll be hard, but it's possible. I never had to lie, cheat, or steal, and I won't. I work hard, I behave honestly, and I'll get ahead.
I do honestly believe that. And American history has shown time and time again that it's true.
Til next time,
Grind Away
I pray he's wrong.
It's funny though how little things like the weather can effect your state of mind. Snow, ice, cold chills and northern winds bring new life and vigor into me. While everyone else is curling up, hiding by a fire and complaining about the "foul weather" and generally in a darker mood, I'm out dancing a jig, rolling around in the frozen goodness, building myself a little snow fort. I guess I never grew out of being a kid. Kids love the winter, adults don't. Makes you wonder what's wrong with Adults. Oh, they say it's just, "They like it because they'll have school off," but they like snow even when they're already on Winter Break. So take that nay sayers.
Adults just don't like to admit they forgot to have the simple joys and wonderments that kids are masters of.
But alas, when I was a child I thought childish things. And now I am a man and I am constantly pestered about it being time to put up childish things, as hard as I find that to do. Part of me still loves watching cartoons, playing in snow, the frank, open honesty you see in kids.
But as an Adult, I realize I need to work, both for money and on myself at a personal level. And this is the time toyear to think about it.
New Year's Resolutions.
I never put much stock in them myself over the years. I see someone make such a declaration, something like "I'm going to exercise and run around the block every morning", for example, only to see it put aside and forgotten a mere week, if that long, into the year.
Not even 2% through the year, and they throw in the towel. Oh yeah, New Year's Resolutions really work wonders, don't they?
But, it's the spirit, and I like to think I have more willpower than most people I know. So here it is, my list of Resolutions.
1) To be more proactive in my love life. Specifically, I would actually like to find a woman who will love me. I've had plenty of situations where I loved a woman who only had a passing interest in me. It doesn't work. I could care less what she looks like, who she is, long as I get that connection. Oh, I have my preferences, who doesn't? But it's not what's really important to me. This year I want to go out more, really look for that person. I haven't much tried it, not since Felicia, always shoving romantic relationships back in my mind. But I think the time is right in my life to start the search anew.
2) Transitioning from Just Surviving to Thriving. Right now my state of being, financially at least, is more about just making ends meet. I seldom have more than 5 bucks at the end of a month, and my current work isn't really rife for promotion and raises either. This situation leads to me being stuck where I am, I can't save up enough to actually gain any sort of venture capital for anything. I can't start my own business, which I've always dreamed of, I can't even move out of where I am. This is going to take a lot of hard work, and I'm not really sure where to start, unlike in number one above. My roommate's get rich quick schemes never really pan out, so that's not an option. The economy is lean here, and people just are not hiring. But with vilgilance hopefully something will show up.
3) Pay down my debts. Those I owe, say I owe them nothing. Friends who helped me out over lean months. A woman who runs a local charity that bought me some clothes, a man who I owe just about everything I have to, another who cuts me a deal on certain goods. I actually keep a total of the dollar figures, best as I can figure it out. Paying down my debts will cost me a total of 48,000 US dollars. They say I don't have to pay them. But when you really count it up, and see a total like that, I just can't help but feel that the debt is too large to simply ignore.
There it is, three resolutions. And ones quite a bit harder, at least to me, than "Give up smoking" or "exercise every day". But if I can keep up, if I can make some progress, it'll have much more drastic effects for me than the simple little, quickly forgotten pledges I hear made every year.
Hard work, discipline, vigilance. Those are my watchwords for the year.
And for you others who might read this, remember, America really is a land of opportunity. In 2003 I was homeless and hopeless. In 2009 I have a home, a job, a life, and I do actually believe it possible to turn this into a success. It'll be hard, but it's possible. I never had to lie, cheat, or steal, and I won't. I work hard, I behave honestly, and I'll get ahead.
I do honestly believe that. And American history has shown time and time again that it's true.
Til next time,
Grind Away
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